bjoernvold.com

Well, actually, I will be taking a few days out of town.

I'm in a very melancholy mood tonight, mostly because my doctor's office called today, and the approval has come through on a referral to one of the best doctors in the country, regarding my neck and back, but most of all my legs. I'm very mixed up emotionally about this. If the doctor in Denver, CO is able to do something, it would mean the end of 17 (now, almost 18 I think?) years of literal hell, major pain, among other things, physically.

However,,,, if there isn't anything that even he can do, then... I don't know what I'm going to do, how I'll react, or anything. I know it would be a heartbreaker, as I've prayed for something to "cure" this. I don't think there's a literal cure, but I'm hoping that newer technology will at least help, and make this tolerable.

I will notify you Viking when I go, and if you feel prone to have someone temporarily as moderator while I'm gone (I'm hoping it will just be a few days), then I'd suggest Rolf for temporary moderator.

Rolf has my complete permission to talk more about this, and tell you everything he knows about my condition. It's hard for me to talk about. I'm beyond any more words.

Oh dear - get well - Rolf is fine as a temp moderator.

I feel very fortunate to have good friends who love me and that I love so much. You are all really more than I deserve. You put up with me, you make me feel worthy of you even when I'm not. For this, I'm eternally grateful.

Just wanted to get that out.

Thank you too Viking, I think Rolf would do well in my absence. I'll keep you posted on when I go. It may be that they won't be able to get me in for a few weeks, but in case it is sooner than later, I thought I should let you know.

Thanks, and good night.

Okay, it took a bit, but I think I have a handle on myself now. lol. A very wise person just sent me a reminder:

do like everyone else -- make the best of what you do have. It's not the news you get, it's what you make of it.

Chin up.

I really do have the best friends on the planet anyone could ask for.

An update to this situation follows:

As I am currently in the midst of seeing, and being referred to, doctor after doctor after doctor, I'm still in "hurry up and wait" mode with this, and my legs are definitely not getting any better. With the possibility of not being able to walk normally again, it's grating heavily on my mind and on my emotions. I keep thinking that sanity is a thing of the past, and insanity is the way to go; it's the only escape I have from this. I say this not to make anyone feel sorry or anything for me. It's to let the point be known, that this could happen to you too. I didn't think of this possibility this soon with this disease, that being rendered unable to walk, but the possibility exists anyway, and I am totally unprepared for it. I don't think many do think about it. It might behoove all humans of even a modicum of intelligence to always yes, hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. It could happen to you, too.

As an addendum here, it might behoove one to think also, that I myself have been a walker of at minimum three miles a day almost my entire life, for health in general. We see where it's gotten me.

I finally called myself; got an appointment for June 23rd, so will be headed out probably on the 21st or 22nd of June, just fyi.

Rolf, you'll have it for five days if you want it while I'm gone.